DEFINITELY. :[

i’m really glad i have you as a friend kchen. i know you’re never gunna see this but it’s cool, you already know how much you mean to me. just wanna say thanks for always being there. 

undergroundhiphop-eargasms:

theinviviancible:

falling out of love

submitted by: http://sh1tsr3al.tumblr.com/

WHO SINGS THISSS.

that i’m so insecure about myself. That i have extremely low self-esteeem. At first i was never really that insecure about myself till someone in eighth grade constnatlyyy pointed out how flat i was. or how he wouldnt see me the whole summer, come back the next year and telling me, ” oh. you didnt grow.” -____- OKAY. thanks. atleast when you left you apologized for everything you’ve said to me. i really appreicated that.

CL,

Ever since i met you, i tried everything to dress cute, look cute, make my hair look nice for you. every single time i would hang out with you. Just hoping for a compliment or a you look nice today. just ANYTHING but i always ended up getting,

“I dont really like your shoes. Why do you alwyas where them.”

“you’re hair looks better curly.”

“Oh, how’d i look today?!”…”fine”

WHATTTT. omg. not only did you criticize everything but you’d always pick her over me. but considering all the awfully brutal things you would say to her, what you say to me can’t compare with what you say to her. I only feeel this way after two years, idk how the fuck she must feel having to deal with your shit for 4-5 years. ridiculous. People always tell me, why would i of all people be self concious. the fuck is that supposed to mean. am i not allowed to feel this way?

Now, i can’t even fully open up myself to the person i like now because of how insecure i am. No matter how many compliments i get from him that day, i can never fully believe them and it sucks because what guy wants to be with some girl that always doubts herself.

how does someone build thier self esteem?

HB,

WHY SO DL ABOUT EVERYTHING.

you’ve got some nerve to show something so fucking personal that i shared with someone who meant alot to me at the time and you just happened to fucking know his password to everything and fell upon it and SHARE IT TO THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD. For you to literally PRINT EVERY SINGLE THING OUT and just invade not only his privacy but mine as well. I knew you were psycho enough to go through his AT&T bill to see who he called for hours on end late at night since it should’ve been you. You checked through is credit card bill and saw he paid twice the amount he shouldn’t have because he always treated me to eat but would always ask you to pay for him.  I know it must’ve hurt that you often paid for his gas then found out he drove 15 min away all the time to just hang out with me.  I know it sucks to see all those emails you always wished he would send.  It must’ve torn your heart apart the first time you finally found it all out and then shredded into a billion pieces knowing he did it again after all that effort to trust him again.  Honestly, did you not see all of this coming though? The very first time i met him and he sat down next to me and started to try to get my facebook, i straight up asked him, “Dont you have a girlfirend?” his response? “mm…well not today i don’t.” FEB 2008. Which im beyond positive that you guys were definitellyyy in a relationship at the time. ugh, i didn’t even want to like him because i knew my friend has a huge crush on him.  But noooooo, your boyfriend IMed me everyday after that, then he eventually came to practice almost everyday then he would take me home.  How could a sixteen year old NOT feel infatuated and flattered when someone cute and older wanted to talk to her all the time, bring her food, call her late at night?  Espeically a boy with a girlfriend like you. Damn, before i was SO intimidated by you. I was honestly so jealous, why would this fool be wanting to spend all his time with me when hes got someone like you waiting for him at the end of the day.  He’s obviously an idiot for not appreciating everything you did for him and obviously an idiot for hurting you like that.  Of course i take some of the blame for everything that happened because well i did let everything happen even though towards the middle of it all, i knew you two were together.  no excuses. i was definitely sprung off that boy and would always let him back into my life no matter how many times i tried to just keep it friends.  In the end, i realized that he only used me as an escape from the picture perfect relationship he had to maintain with you.  Sometimes, i wish you knew about all those nights i cried because i was always the one who he would call when you two would fight, and i would listen to him bitch and talk shit about you and then i’d make him realize what its like to be in your shoes and i always told him to apologize to you.  DAMN, i tried to fucking be friends with you and i straight up told you the truth about everything. girl to girl. Well knowing that i had completely ruined the relationship i had with him if i told you the truth about everything. BUT NO, you just rannnnn back to him the second i took off on a plane to taiwan.  the fuck is wrong with you. then, i stay out of your way until i couldnt handle it anymore. and i told you the truth again. what do you do? you handle everything like you’re in highschool.  you go and talk shit, telling everyone ima bitch, ima homewrecker. FYI, its not homewrecking if your boy got at me first and can’t keep is dick in his pants.  You tell all your friends and family about me. You show them the emials, everything personal that was between me and him. you printed it all out. do you have any idea how embarassing that is for me? espeically since we do have the same group of friends. Is that how low you’re willing to go just to degrade me even more with a fucking hardcopy to show to back up all the shit you told everyone? does it make you feel better about yourself to tell everyone your boyfriend of 4 years has cheated on you for 2 years on someone 5 years younger than you are? YEAH. i get it. thats  a fucking huge ass stab in the heart but why? what kind of person does that. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU AND YOUR CRAZY BITCHASS TRYNA FUCK THINGS UP FOR ME. i told you, i wanted to get out of everything. I even tried to help you. but if you want to stay with someone who physically and verbally abuses you because you’re scared that if you leave, he’ll come running to me once i turn 18. dumb bitch. the fact that i was the one who had to cut your boyfirend off of my life should’ve definitely brought up a red flag. I had to deal with his shit and all you two’s relationship problems everyday for two years but now that i got away from it all, i gotta deal with your own damn craziness and all the crap you caused because even though you are 22, you can’t stop being some highschool gossip.  I’m not even 18 yet and i learned to finally walk away from it all. 

a fucking stamp across my forehead that says, ” hey guys, if you have a gf but wanna cheat on them, then come to mee.” 

FUCKING RIDICULOUS. why is it that almost every guy that comes to me only talks to me to get in my pants. 

fuck you guys. 

uhh. i missed alot of days. haha. i’ll just do threee.

Day 2 - Your crush.

no crush :[ hahaha.

Day 3 - My Parents.

Dear Mom, 

i just want to first off say i love you. You’re always there to comfort me when i’m sad or mad, espeically when i have problems with dad. you always notice when im sad or mad and you know exactly the amount of space to give me to let me cool off. i’m so glad to see you happy with steve now. i’m sorry i dissapoint you, and you dont deserve to feel the way i made you felt when i had to tell you everything. 

Dear Dad,

honestly, you’re kind of a dick and a hypocrite. but i know you only want whats best for me and that you love me and i love you for that. but sometimes, you think you’re doing one thing right but not really. and because my personality is alot like yours we fight and butt heads alot. most of the time unnecessarily. i wsh the relationship between us was better. and i can say it is mostly my fault for making the relationship we have now the way it is and i’m sorry. 

Day 4 - My sibling

Dear shelby,

hey. lololl. i know im not the greatest infuence on you and you look up to me a lot and im sorry i can’t be the big sister you want me to be sometimes but you are exactly what i need. you keep me in line. whenever we get mad at eachtoher its always good within a couple of min sometimes. haha. i know you’ll always be there for me. and i just wnated to thank you for that. i really appreciate it. thanks girlll. i love you.

fuck this. i come to taiwan to forget and just have fun. but i do the same shit i do at fucking home. sit around on my ass all fucking day and watch tv or go on the computer and eat. my aunt and grandma won’t let me go out. what the fuck am i doing here then. they dont take me out either. im not even enjoying taiwan. fucking restricted here, at home… no wonder why i sneak out and shit. fuck.

Day 1 - My best friend.

To be honest, it’s really hard for me to keep a “best” friend. but i’ll write this letter to the person i’m closest with. haha.

SUP BITCHHH.

We need to fucking go swimming again, but i’m stuck here in taiwan for hellaaa days. hahaha. by the time i’ll be back, summer will almost be overrr. I know we just started getting close recently and i guess i gotta thank you for that. haha. well.. i wrote most of how i felt about you in that yearbook thing i gave you. haha. thanks for being there for me. i know it gets irritating listening to the same type of story over and over againnn but thanks for putting up with it and not lets just say, give up on me. since you already know how i am and there really is no point in you trying to have me fix my problems right away, but im tryinggg. trust me. Being in taiwan has helped a lot. and luckilyyy i get to webcam with you sometimesss :] hahah. yay. anyway. i’ll talk to you soon. <3